The common advice is “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” My first interpretation of that was transactional: hand out business cards, swap LinkedIn profiles, check the box. It achieved little.

What actually taught me how to network was moving to a different country.

The Water You Didn’t Know You Had

When I relocated, I lost something I’d never thought about: an existing network. Where I grew up, there was a built-in support structure: family, friends, people who knew me and vouched for me by default. I didn’t notice it because I’d never lived without it.

Moving stripped that away. And I quickly understood what it meant to start from zero.

I also realized something about technical skills: if no one knows you exist, they can’t amplify what you can do. Your skills exist in a vacuum. That’s when I started taking networking seriously, not as a social chore, but as something real and necessary.

The Phrase I’d Misunderstood

That saying, “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” gets the second half wrong. I know the names of plenty of successful people. That knowledge hasn’t done much for me.

What actually matters is who knows you, and what they think of you. That reframe changes everything about how you approach networking.

Adding Value First

Once you accept that framing, a question follows: how do you get the right people to know you and think well of you?

The answer I keep coming back to is: add value first. Not in a calculated way, but genuinely, as a habit.

In practice, this looks like:

  • Sharing an article with someone who’d find it useful
  • Connecting two people who would benefit from knowing each other
  • Passing along a job opening to someone who’s looking
  • Writing a recommendation when you genuinely believe in someone’s work

None of these require anything from the other person. And none of them are about positioning yourself. They’re just useful things to do.

Why This Works

When you consistently add value, the relationship stops feeling transactional. People remember who sends them useful things, who makes thoughtful introductions, who shows up before they need something. That’s the version of you that lives in their head.

The mindset shift is simple: before reaching out to someone, ask “how can I add value to this person?” rather than “what can I get from this interaction?” It reorients everything.

As you build that reputation, the network grows. Not because you’re collecting contacts, but because people want you in theirs.

Networking isn’t about accumulating contacts. It’s about becoming someone worth knowing. The most reliable way to do that is to be consistently useful, without keeping score.